Somewhere to let it all out

since the breakdown of my marriage I have not been out on the razz sleeping with all and sundry because im just not really into that, in fact in the 18 months since we split I have only had one one night stand and that just literally was a daft, drunken mistake. But I have NEVER until last night just met someone and felt this immediate, almost primal lust for them.

This morning I have a black bruise on my lip from being bitten hard, I like that, my god he played rough and he evidently enjoyed being in control which did it for me totally. I like dominant men. He is a sheep farmer. No word of a lie, you could tell from his weather hardened hands and amazingly toned and tanned arms and shoulders and back that he spends most of his life outside, he wore a dog whistle round his neck, I had it in my mouth a lot, during sex, when I woke up this morning, I tried to keep it, he wouldnt let me....

I knew the minute he sat at our table in a busy central london pub that there was something about this guy, despite the age difference of 9 years there was a wiseness to him and something in his manner that suggested he was up for a good time and knew how to show you one. My god he did. I can see why women like toyboys and he still had the arrogance of youth which I found incredibly sexy.

Within half an hour of meeting him we had moved to another pub, he immediately sat next to me and put his hand on my knee and I was kinda bowled over by his confidence, I turned to look at him in shock but before I could say anything he kissed me and it was like I lost my mind and any semblance of rationality in 3 seconds flat. He locked me with this forceful stare and simply said ‘come with me’. I did. Leaving bemused at the table my best friend and his brother

when he took off his shirt and stood there in front of me in a black army style vest and his jeans I could have literally melted, I wanted him to keep it on, he didnt do what I wanted him to and he made me beg. He made me bahave like a hooker because I wanted him with every fibre of my being but there was something so arousing in that. He got a kick out of telling this older, married woman what he wanted me to do, treating me mean, being in control. I fought him. It was the most deliciously violent sex ive ever had when he finally stopped being a bastard and teasing me. I have proper bite marks and bruises. I feel violated for the first time since I was a teenager, it feels like well earned battle scars.

In the middle of the night I woke up and we were still tangled up and all I could smell was his sweat but there was something about it that sent me wild. If I didnt believe in pheromones before I do now. I wanted to bottle it.

I took him to westminster this morning and let him go his merry way. I was hungover, knackered, gratified, mesmirised and wishing he didnt live 10,000 miles away. He left me aching for more. He left me bruised and satisfied. He left me reeling.

Today he went off to france for the next leg of his travels but he will be back in NZ by the end of the week.
 
I think the fact that I spend my professional life in a male arena, always trying to prove my ability and equality to men, means secretly I just like to cave in and be dominated by a man, this doesnt happen much because in my experience 95% of men get their kicks off being dominated by women. Give me a fight first, or a struggle but let me know you are going to get what you want

Part of me this morning was horrified at myself for behaving like that with a stranger but then I thought - you know what, I deserve some down time, I deserve some fun, I didnt hurt anyone. I guess its just its out of character for me to do that and so I feel uneasy about it. Im an adult, I make my own decisions so im not going to beat myself up about it.