musings

Its been a while I know....been a bit busy globetrotting and furiously busy at work. I spent 3 weeks in australia and feel like I came back having learnt a lot more about myself and what im capable of (tolerating). I also learnt that as much as I absolutely adore my friend I would never be able to live with her, little things become incredibly annoying when you spend so much time together in a confined space, I also realised that you pick up on the things that they say literally about 500 times a day (I will be happy to NEVER hear the word 'absolutely' in response to a statement ever again). And for the record it is called THE INTERNET, not 'tinterweb' as she comically called it once and then annoyingly called it all the time. 

me: have we sorted a hotel for tonight?
her: no but we can check tinterweb back at the hotel.
me: I will be relieved once we have somewhere to stay.
her: absolutely.  

She is one of the most fun, laid back, cool people I have ever known...but she also has this annoying habit of eating at random times so that when it actually IS lunchtime or dinner time she isnt hungry. And her driving is enough to make your hair stand on end.

Anyway, enough of a rant....I also feel like the trip has answered a few questions for me, I know for sure that the life I lead now in terms of job, location etc is not enough for me. I want to explore, I want to try living and working somewhere entirely new. I also know that this 'new' place is definitely not Australia. I loved it as a country, it is beautiful, it is diverse and has some amazing people - but for me I couldnt get past the blatent racism, both against their own indiginous people and also to anyone non-white. I was very saddened to find that people of all ages and educations seem quite aggressively bigoted. Not just racist either but horribly homophobic, I dont want to live in a country with that kind of mindset.

So I now know that my previous intuition that America is the place I want to live has more creedence. Ive spent a lot of time there, I know it and its people quite well, I appreciate the good and the bad - but I DO think I could live there and have some amazing life experiences. For me, 'home' in the states would preferably be California where I have spent the most time, I wouldnt rule out living in New York, New Jersey, Washington, Pensylvania or the major cities like Detroit/Chicago/Atlanta either. In fact in order to get my foot in the door I would live just about anywhere. I feel like now at least I have an idea of which way my path is going - just not what the destination is exactly. Thats half the fun though.

Ive also found myself mellowing quite a lot about what matters and what does not. Ive learnt a lot of hard lessons about friends and friendships over the last few years and now I feel able to say for certain that going forwards I will only put effort into those friendships which I get something substantial out of. I can say no more often and more easily. I also realised that actually I have so many friends (even having dropped a few unexpectedly) that even to keep those ones going is actually like a part time job, my social life is insane at the moment trying to keep up with them all - so if I have whittled them down (deliberately or otherwise) then that has to be a positive thing.

Anyway, off to a meeting, trying to resist the urge to blurt out moving abroad plans to all and sundry including my boss who given our current workload would probably have a heart attack....