....these are the things that are distracting me today. I have so much whirring round my head, coupled with horrible toothache. I am waiting for my dentist to phone me back after he has finished his obligatory dance round his chair over how much its going to cost to sort out the problem I have (as yet unconfirmed but likely a wisdom tooth growing under one of my back ones).
Agyness Deyn is pissing me off simply by seeming to haunt me. Everywhere I turn at the moment I seem to be confronted with her 'elfin' hairdo, articles on her 'clones' (the Agy is the new Rachel in terms of hairstyle it seems), speculation about how she got those bruises on her legs, talk of why she changed her name from Laura Hollins (nice enough) to something more flamboyant (pretentious?) and then I turned the tv on at the weekend to check out quite how bad a decision moving the Friday Night Project to Sunday was only to find her singing with the band.
Model, singer, trend setter - she's irritatingly successful. But thats not why I dont like her. Im just sick of people acting like they have never seen someone wear doc martens before just because SHE is wearing them. Ive got 3 pairs and nobody cares. Mind you its probably 10 yrs since I last wore them...maybe I should dig them out....aaaagggh its happening, im becoming a sheep....
Also I had one of those dreams last night that was so disturbing and vivid and played to my every anxiety that I woke up (annoyingly an hour before my alarm was set) completely distraught. It took a good 10 mins to calm down and believe that it was only a dream but any chance of getting back to sleep was lost, partly as I was now wide awake and partly as fear of returning to this dream was too great. Bizarrely, the subject of this dream actually does have the potential to be true. It was my ex (he of previous blogs - estranged husband) and he was calmly telling me things I really did not want to hear. Graphic detail about him and the bitch (due to marry another bloke this month) who interfered and kicked it all off in the first place.
I dont know why my brain does these things to me. Everything ticking along just nicely? Right, time to throw another spanner in the works then. My therapy has taught me that thats just my way of dealing with it but it doesnt make it any easier to stomach when it happens.
I also have a bloke dilemma going on. Now dont get me wrong, im loving living on my own, im liking the taste of freedom and independance for the first time in my adult life...but it would be nice to try dating again, get the nice bits out of a casual relationship...and there are two potentials, both of whom im pretty sure would be quite open to the idea but both of whom present their own complications as below:
We shall call bloke one Clay because in literary terms he kinda reminds me of him (Less Than Zero) in that hes young, a scenester, cool and interesting. I fancy him a lot. He makes me laugh and I can tell he finds the potential of a (slightly) older woman quite appealing. I love the way he still has that passion about music and film that I remember having, there is only 7 years between us but ive seen and done a lot more, he's fairly naive - hasnt travelled much yet. The reason im cautious - I dated his brother years ago when the pair of us were at university, thats how I know him. Ive always kind of held a torch for his brother and we have come close to having dalliances since...and I dont know how much of that dictates me finding him attractive, they look alike, they have similar mannerisms. The older brother - I dont think he would like it AT ALL if I started seeing him. It might scupper the chance of our ross and rachel story having a happy ending....
Bloke 2 - we shall call him Gabriel (FFTMC), couple of years older than me, work colleague - was based elsewhere but as of next month I shall be sharing an office with him, hes the person I get on with best at work, we socialise a lot (hes cooking me dinner tonight) we have both had rough times with relationships this last year, we both enjoy being single at the moment, I have tons of fun with him and he is very laid back. But I dont physically find him attractive. I have tried. I guess he's just not my type in that way - but does that matter? Is personality what it should be all about? Surely there needs to be some sort of physical attraction too? Also there is the issue that if anything did happen it might be awkward at work.
My head says Gabriel is the safer, sensible, less controversial choice....but my heart says Clay. Im seeing them both this week...guess we will just have to wait and see....maybe neither is the best answer here.
