Hello

Well its been a while and so much has been happening, but with the new year having just arrived and me having also turned 30 on new years eve, it seemed an appropriate time to catch up or attempt to.

Im feeling really strange this morning, bizarrely I dont have a hangover and maybe this is because I was actually quite 'sensible' and didnt drink a silly amount (sign I am indeed becoming an 'adult' ??) but it feels kinda strange to be sitting here just a little tired. Im reflecting on so much right now and its freaking me out a little, I always find that I tend to do this round my birthday/new year but this year more than ever before I feel the need to reassess where I am with everything. Maybe its the hitting 30 thing.

So the things that are going round in my head are a little confusing. Work has been really weird the last 6 months or so because people were let go at the end of their contracts, the atmosphere was strained, ive been knackered and pretty pissed off with my job for a while and my own contract comes to an end in mid 2009, as things stand at the moment I cant bank on getting another and maybe thats just confirmation that its time to move on. The problem is though that I have another year of my MBA to do and so leaving them before thats finished would not be a wise move financially. We will have to see what this year brings, I love sharing the office with my friend now though, we have managed to get into routine with it and I cant imagine him not being there now.

Relationship is weird at the moment and has been for a while, me and my husband have been spending a LOT of time together and really enjoying it and I dont know where thats leading. I think there is more reason to work on a marriage than abandon it but I just dont know whether things will get back towards that or not and the strange thing is I feel ok not knowing at the moment, maybe because knowing would involve possible heartbreak all over again. We have a couple of holidays booked already for 2009 and I take that as a sign of progress. Of course I still love him as much as I ever had, I just cant switch it off.

I have learnt that friends are not forever. Friends can be very false and can let you down even when you thought they never would. They can be duplicitous  deceitful and downright nasty. I actually have learnt not to be so damned reliant on other peoples acceptance. On the flip side I have realised that some friendships I perhaps didnt value as much as others, were stronger than I gave them credit for, that you can find support in the places you least expect it. I have stopped caring whether people dislike me because thats life, there are many people I dislike, it cant be helped.

I need to do some more thinking around what I want to get out of this year and then I will be back. I need a bath and a ponder. Happy New Year to one and all, honest to blog I will be posting more regularly this  year